so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
