I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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