I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize