Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
