I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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