the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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