cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
two words...techno handjob
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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