I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
