In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
