On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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