as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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