I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
