I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize