Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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