I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
