he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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