Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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