My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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