Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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