If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
