so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
