Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found the puke drawer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
