Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize