It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
