you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
