He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
