I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
