Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
