Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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