so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
