its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
