im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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