im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
