This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
