It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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