How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
