even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we're making bets on your personal life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
