Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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