So drunk its hurt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
