i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
