im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
