I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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