Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
