im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
