That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
