We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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