I smell stomach acid.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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