This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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