Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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