john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
