And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
