Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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