...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
