We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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