If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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