dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
