So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
