Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
two words: eviction party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
