I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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