I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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