your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize