A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
