dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
