Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
