dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
