all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
