Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
