He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
