there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
