Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
