You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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