i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think your dad took our porno
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
