i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
