About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
