My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
