Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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