he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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