just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
