"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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