Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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