I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
