i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
