someone threw a dead crab at me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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