FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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