i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
