Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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