the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
