I am puke
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
