What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
