bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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