I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
