Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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