I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
