I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
