Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
