Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
