saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
