easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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