Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
