And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
