whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
