While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
