Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize