i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
