Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
