I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
