you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
