my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
