What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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