The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize