do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
