well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
