yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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