So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
