clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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