trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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