I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
