Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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