is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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